gleeful grandiva

creative living for big and little kids

Category: Families and Feelings (Page 1 of 2)

HOW TO SOLVE THE KINDNESS CONUNDRUM

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You may be wondering what the kindness conundrum is. I’m wondering what the problem is with being kind.

All the evidence points to the fact being kind not only helps the receiver, but also the giver. So, why doesn’t everyone hop on board the kindness caboose?

While there are many intense areas of kindness in the world there also seems to be areas where it is nowhere to be found.

In a world that should be united to save our suffering planet, we are still facing horrendous stories of cruelty towards each other and towards nature. That is the kindness conundrum.

How do we solve it?

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FIGHTING FEAR – HOW TO RECLAIM YOUR POWER

 

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I lay on the bed, careful not to move a muscle in case it alerted the intruder to my presence.

Breathing was difficult. I wanted to take huge, terrified gulps of air, but that would have made too much noise. The trespasser was right outside the door.

My heart was beating so loudly. Could she hear it?

I was sweating, yet I was chilled to the bone.

I wanted to scream out for help. But knew that my antagoniser would get to me before anyone else. And my voice was gone.

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GRAND RESPECT – HOW TO TEACH OUR KIDS THE TRUTH 

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Not getting enough respect from others?

Ask yourself two questions.

  • Have you earned it?
  • Have you taught it?

 

A lot of people bemoan the lack of respect there is in this world. For parents, teachers, law enforcement, their gender, position, race, culture – the list goes on.

The word is bandied around a lot and has come to mean different things for different people.

When used in its guise of manners and courtesy, then everyone should feel the warmth of its glow.

In any other form, it is something that should be earned and taught by each individual. It’s the truth we need to share with children, even when it threatens the power of our status.

 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GRAND RESPECT AND MANNERS

It’s essential to teach our kids to respect the rights of others. Even those they don’t respect. Everyone has the right to exist peacefully and safely. The right not to be hurt by unkind words and actions. This is just basic manners.

It’s also important to teach children to respect the authority of various positions. They may not like a teacher for instance. Maybe they don’t even respect that teacher. But they need to respect the authority that goes with the position because there are consequences if they don’t.

The same goes for law enforcement.

There is a big difference between respecting someone and respecting their position and how it relates to you.

This is an important thing for parents to remember because, though they have ultimate power in the early years, it fades quickly as children grow.

Parents can resort to all manner of punishment when children don’t do as they are told.

When the child becomes an adult, the punishments are trickier for parents, especially if their kids are financially independent.

They can no longer be sent to their room or grounded and parents often resort to emotional punishment to regain their authority

Often, it works for a while, but eventually, it builds a wall of resentment that shuts out all of their influence.

Parents who demand respect because of their position, rather than earning it because of who they are and how they behave, risk having their adult children turn against them completely.

 

THE IMPORTANCE OF EARNING GRAND RESPECT

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When my kids were young, one of our biggest fears as parents was stranger danger (simpler times, right?).

There were a lot of stories of people misusing their positions to harm children (some things don’t change). I told my sons that there is a difference between having respect for a position and a person and the two don’t necessarily go hand in hand.

Of course, by not demanding respect (other than the basic rights mentioned above) just by virtue of being their mother, I risked losing whatever control I felt I had.

Fortunately, I understood that to have a lasting influence, I needed to gain their respect not by demanding it, but by earning it. From what they have told me, I achieved this. So that’s good. 🙂

True respect, earned respect, is a lasting thing that creates a bond of trust and admiration. And it is grand.

Forced respect is not lasting and is a form of bullying that shows the parents have not appreciated what a blessing and honour their role is.

GRAND RESPECT IS RECIPRICOL

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Respect is a two-way street. It’s something you must give, in order to receive.

You must respect your children as individuals with their own hearts, minds, souls, desires, and ambitions. You cannot expect a return on a non-investment.

Some parents may claim they have invested. They’ve fed, clothed, educated and cared for their children. I say that goes with the job.

The teacher who turns up for work each day and does the hours without compassion or passion is doing the same job as the one who goes to work full of commitment and concern. One will have respect. The other won’t.

The parent who feeds and shelters their child with a goal towards controlling their actions as adults is doing the same job as the parent who brings up their child to live an independent and fulfilled life. One will have respect and the other won’t.

It works the same for other groups. Cultural groups may claim they are not getting enough respect for their beliefs and traditions. Are they respecting the different beliefs and traditions around them? How can they demand respect when they refuse to give it?

THE IMPORTANCE OF TEACHING GRAND RESPECT

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It is equally important to show kids how to teach respect because, in the end, you teach people how to treat you.

While you cannot force people to respect you if you haven’t earned it, you can let them know when a lack of respect, especially for your basic rights, is unacceptable.

When you allow bad behaviour, unfair demands and expectations to go unchecked, you are virtually telling the other person that you are OK with being treated that way. You are teaching them how to treat you.

The amazing thing about this is, by teaching people how to respect you, you are earning their respect. That’s the truth.

Wishing you lots of respect and a gleeful week, Tamuria.

 

 

 

HOW TO BANISH BULLIES – WHAT OUR KIDS NEED TO KNOW


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Another golden heart stopped beating because the black hearts made life unbearable.

I can feel my own heart breaking.  I am filled with fear. The fear is for the Goddesses, never far from my thoughts.

How are they to cope in a world that has become the perfect breeding space for bullies?

When our leaders influence with intimidation, how can we possibly save our kids?

 

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HOW TO FIND FREEDOM IN A FAIRY TALE

 

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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess. (Funny, there never seems to be an ugly princess).

Anyway, the beautiful princess had a huge heart and loved to help the flowers, bees, butterflies and birds grow and be happy.

She was also a talented ballerina who loved to dance. Her dancing was so magical that the birds would sing special songs to entice the princess to dance more.

The flowers would sway to the beat and the bees and butterflies would act as the chorus to her fantastic choreography.

One day an evil witch came to catch the princess. Luckily, the princess’s best friend was a dragon who came to rescue her.

 

 

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GRAND GIVING – HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES AND IMPROVE LIFE

 

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Are you a giver or a taker?

If you’ve answered ‘taker’ then this is probably not for you.

If you consider yourself a giver, what inspires this?

The idea that giving is its own reward? A belief that this is what ‘good’ people do? Is it your religious beliefs? Or, are you a people-pleaser?

Regardless of the inspiration for giving, setting personal boundaries is essential for a happy life.

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GRAND INSECURITIES – HOW TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE FEELINGS

 

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It’s amazing how grandchildren can awaken all those youthful insecurities you thought you’d overcome.

Those precious parcels of perfection come with a bunch of other people and suddenly you are left questioning your importance in the scheme of things.

Perhaps the greatest threat to the calm equilibrium you’ve worked so hard to achieve (right?) over the decades are the Other Grandparents.

Let’s face it, for most of us, sharing children we adore with others who have an equal status in their lives is a new adventure.

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THE TRUTH ABOUT COOKIES, HUGS AND THE GRANDEST OF JOBS

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Move over super mums – here comes Super Gran (and I’m not talking about the children’s series).

I’ll let you in on a secret. Grandmothering isn’t all about cookies and hugs.

Today’s grandmothers are juggling work, home and babysitting commitments with the flair of the best superheroes. This is a far different picture than the many cartoons littering the internet depicting grandmothers as little old ladies wearing aprons and baking cookies.

Grandparenting has become a much more serious business.

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GRAND GRATITUDE – HOW TO KEEP THE FEELING ALIVE

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One of the greatest gifts of grandparenting is to see and appreciate the wisdom in the children around us.

Often, as parents, we are so busy doing all that needs to be done, we can overlook the lessons our children offer us.

With more time for focus and contemplation, grandparents are rewarded with the vision that children come to us with all the wisdom we humans need for happy living. They help us relearn what we have forgotten.

They remind us how to play, they reunite us with our imaginations, and they help us focus on a mere moment in time.

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WHEN YOU SHOULD BITE YOUR TONGUE AND ZIP IT GRAN

 

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Just when you think you have life worked out, you become a grandparent and things get complicated again.

Notwithstanding the exquisite joy that grandchildren deliver, there are quite a few challenges when adjusting to the role of Grand Parent.

A whole new group of people enter your life, in the form of in-laws (and often their friends and extended families). Prior to the arrival of the tiny treasure that is your grandchild, you may not have had to deal with this other group much.

However, once the child is born there will be occasions (such as birthday parties) you will need to interact and your diplomatic skills have never been so important.

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