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They may not put food on your table, but compliments will put joy in your heart and can be just as beneficial to your brain as a cash reward.
The beauty of this psychological reward is that it gives as much to the giver as to the receiver.
Perhaps there has never been a time the world needed kind words and the acknowledgement of good more.
Compliments are little bundles of kind words, wrapped up especially as gifts from the heart.
They can literally change the course of a person’s day – or life.
COMPLIMENTS AS GOOD AS CASH
I’ve known people to give up perfectly good jobs because they felt their hard work was not being acknowledged, even when they achieved bonuses for reaching certain targets.
A few kind words in the form of praise that recognised their work could have made all the difference.
Research shows that compliments have a similar effect on improved performance as receiving monetary rewards.
According to Professor Norihiro Sadato, a professor at the National Institute for Physiological Sciences in Japan, people perform better when they receive a social reward after completing an exercise.
To the brain, receiving a compliment is as much a social reward as being rewarded money.
Professor Norihiro Sadato
This comes as no surprise to me. Compliments increase our confidence and make us happy.
CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS – AND SOMEONE’S ELSE’S WITH A COMPLIMENT
While I’m a big believer in creating our own happiness and not relying on others for validation,(read When You’re Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places) I have to acknowledge how good I feel when I receive an expression of admiration.
An equally good feeling, maybe even better, is when I see the power I have to spread joy by giving a simple compliment.
Giving praise is as much a gift to the giver as it is to the receiver.
When we give a compliment, we are focusing on the good in someone else. We are focusing on the positive, which in turn makes us feel more positive. By focusing on that good, we are in fact promoting it and encouraging more good.
Compliments speak volumes about the generosity and confidence of the giver.
It is often the people who lack confidence and are constantly comparing themselves to others who are unable to give sincere compliments when they are warranted.
WHEN COMPLIMENTS ARE NO GOOD
There is an instance when we should avoid giving compliments. That’s when we are unable to come up with sincere words. Fake compliments can be more hurtful than no words at all.
While it’s always lovely to receive a compliment on your appearance or something you have, the most remarkable compliments recognise who you are and your contributions in life.
My favourite compliments are the indirect ones.
I remember shopping with a friend several years ago and she asked my opinion about buying some drinking glasses for another friend she described as ‘fun and colourful and full of life”. Then came my surprise and delight a few months later when I opened those glasses as a Christmas present from my friend – a gift within a gift.
Then there are the beautiful compliments that show such generosity of spirit when a person happily repeats to you a lovely thing someone else has said in your favour.
My mother refers to these as Trade Last compliments.
She described a game she’d play with her own mother where one of them would say; “I have a TL (trade last) for you”.
It meant they had heard something lovely about the other person but wouldn’t share until that person came up with a compliment for them.
COMPLIMENTS FOR EVERYONE
I didn’t play that game with my mother, but I do remember her teaching me to find something good in everyone and to speak out about it once I’d found it.
It’s not necessary to reserve compliments for friends and family.
We can spread the joy by finding good things to comment on with strangers too.
When I’m at the grocery store I usually try to strike up a conversation with the checkout staff.
I’ll ask about how busy they’ve been, or how many more hours of work they have left.
This little snippet of conversation often gives me an opening for a compliment. I might commiserate with them about being on their feet for so long, then express admiration at their happy demeanour after dealing with so many shoppers.
These little nuggets of love can help people feel validated and valued.
They are affirmations that inspire us to keep going and do even better.
Do you love giving compliments?
Wishing you many opportunities to give and receive compliments, and a gleeful week, Tamuria.
Christy Soukhamneut
February 2, 2017 at 12:19 pmWords are powerful and speaking as someone whose love language is words of affirmation, a compliment keeps me going for days on end.
tamuria
February 4, 2017 at 2:58 pmIt’s the same for me, Christy, and I get a lot of joy from giving them as well as receiving them.
Kristen Wilson
February 2, 2017 at 12:46 pmOh they sure are. I still send hand written thank you cards for referrals and new clients and when someone helps me a lot (for free or paid) I make a point to send goodies too… to share how much I appreciate them. It makes the difference, for sure.
tamuria
February 4, 2017 at 2:59 pmYes, it does make the difference. Those little touches from businesses are what encourages you to keep going back.
Anne DiVitto
February 3, 2017 at 3:17 amThere is definitely nothing better than a compliment; the hidden benefits are endless!
tamuria
February 4, 2017 at 2:59 pmI agree, Anne. We have no idea how much we can change lives with a few words of appreciation.
Teresa Salhi
February 3, 2017 at 3:41 amIt does feel really nice to give a compliment – it has a way of lifting 2 people at the same time. Maybe we could be a little better about receiving them too and not dismiss or talk down to the compliment given to us. Thanks for sharing this lovely article.
tamuria
February 4, 2017 at 3:00 pmLifting two people at the same time – great way to phrase it, Teresa. It’s hard for some people to accept compliments gracefully because they feel embarrassed.
stuff4uand4u
February 4, 2017 at 3:12 amFantastic article. I love to give compliments, but sometimes find folks have a hard time receiving them. I was just telling someone yesterday that, for some, the hardest two words to say are “thank you”. Graciously accepting the compliments can be as important as graciously giving them.
tamuria
February 4, 2017 at 3:01 pmI think some people get really embarrassed and if they don’t have much confidence they may not even trust the compliment.
Apolline Adiju
February 4, 2017 at 7:08 amWhen reading through your post, I remember a friend who quitted her job and took on a less paying one just because she was better complimented in the later. I agree with you that compliments can go a very long way.
tamuria
February 4, 2017 at 3:03 pmPeople need to feel appreciated when they go the extra mile. That can definitely be worth more than cash.
Joan M Harrington
February 4, 2017 at 8:37 amHi Tamuria 🙂
I love giving compliments! Not only does it make the other person feel good, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside because I made someone feel good 🙂
Thanks for sharing the importance of giving the right kind of compliments 🙂
tamuria
February 4, 2017 at 3:04 pmI love that compliments are a fantastic power tool to make others feel good. It definitely uplifts the giver and receiver.
Lori English
February 4, 2017 at 9:59 amTamuria,
A good article and yes compliments are as good as cash especially on Facebook and our websites. A good article love the work.
Lori English
tamuria
February 4, 2017 at 3:04 pmThank you for the lovely compliment, Lori. We can’t get too many of those.
Beverley Golden
February 5, 2017 at 6:56 amAs someone who loves conversations and learning more about other people, I do find I easily compliment others. I also make it a point if I have a great customer service experience to make sure I not only tell the person, but pass that on to their supervisor. Often they are surprised I would take the time to do that. As far as myself, reading this I realized I might not accept compliments as easily as I give them. If I don’t feel the same way about what is being complimented, I interestingly do not embrace it, even though of course I thank the other person. People have told me I am not easy to ‘surprise’ with a gift, so I love your story of how your friend gifted you with something she knew you would really love. Thanks for this lovely and uplifting piece, Tami…it seems I would be well advised to accept all compliments and embody them as a gift to me…regardless of what I ‘think’ about what they are complimenting me on. 🙂
tamuria
February 8, 2017 at 7:28 pmI know you are wonderful at giving compliments, Beverley, and I love that you take the time to let the supervisors know too. I used to be a bit embarrassed when people complimented me and, I hate to admit it, sometimes suspicious. Now I focus on the gift of kind words they are giving and it’s easier to embrace them.
Reba Linker
February 6, 2017 at 12:34 amSo true, Tami. Compliments, positive reinforcement and genuine appreciation are such powerful forces for good.
tamuria
February 8, 2017 at 7:28 pmYes, and we need all the powerful forces for good we can get these days, Reba.
Alene Geed
February 7, 2017 at 1:03 amI like your idea of making small talk with the checker at the grocery. Just acknowledging them and treating them as another person..not a function in the shopping process, can make all the difference in their day
tamuria
February 8, 2017 at 7:30 pmYou are right, Alene. People can become so caught up in what they are doing they forget to validate the other people around them, and it can make all the difference
Joyce Hansen
February 8, 2017 at 3:02 amMay I compliment you Tami on a writing about a topic that I feel many people have lost touch with. You write so simply and eloquently and at the same time you include such beautiful images.
tamuria
February 8, 2017 at 7:31 pmWhat a beautiful compliment and thank you, Joyce. I really appreciate it.
April Williams
February 8, 2017 at 2:09 pmA compliment can turn a person’s whole day around. Thank you for reminding us how powerful positive words can be. xo
tamuria
February 8, 2017 at 7:32 pmWhen you turn someone’s day around, you could just be changing their lives as well as you never know the impact your words will have. Thank you for your kind words, April.
Katarina Andersson
February 9, 2017 at 10:05 amA compliment makes your day, that’s for sure. Like the TL compliment ☺
tamuria
February 11, 2017 at 10:48 amThey certainly can give you a wonderful lift.