You don’t have to do bad things to go to Hell. Anyone can get there.
The tiny Michigan town in Livingston County is a popular fishing and swimming spot.
Or there’s the European alternative, Hell, a tiny village in Norway.
For me, it ’s more than 20 hours flying either way, so it could be easier to go to Little Hell, in Tasmania, Australia.
Perhaps I should try Satans Lair, also in Tassie, or Hellfire Bluff, Dismal Swamp or Misery Knob.
A trip to Victoria could find me in Mount Despair or I could visit Desolation Bay in South Australia, or Disappointment Hill, in Western Australia.
If I choose to try my luck closer to home in Casino, New South Wales, it could send me to Broke, also in NSW, but hopefully not to Coffin Bay in South Australia, though the most delicious oysters are produced there.
Thinking of food, maybe I should go to Banana in Queensland, known for its beef, with no bananas in sight. Or I could try Orange, which is closer to home in NSW.
I hope that doesn’t send me to Granny’s Gut, (Tas).
But those earlier, sad sounding destinations could make me want to drown my sorrows at Wine Glass Bay, (Tas). I have been there and it is exquisite.
This could lead me to Pisspot Creek or Tinkle Creek, (Tas) but I’d prefer Happy Go Lucky in Victoria, or Hopetown, NSW. Hopefully, I will not resort to Bong Bong, in NSW – though I have been there for its famous race day.
GOING TO THE EDGE OF THE WORLD
A trip to Delicate Nobby in NSW or Yorkey’s Knob, Queensland, or even Woodie Woodie in Western Australia or Ding Dong Rainforest (Tas) could end with a trip to Cock Wash in South Australia.
But that’s not the end or even the Edge of the World unless you visit that town in Tasmania. While in Tassie you could find yourself Nowhere Else.
Tasmanians seem to be obsessed with bottoms and while there you can visit such illustrious places as Bottom Hole, Officers Bottom, Broad Bottom, Long Bottom, Shallow Bottom Point, Bottom Lagoon, Lovely Bottom, Grassy Bottom, Deep Bottom, Round Bottom, Boomer Bottom, Prickly Bottom and Bottom Fancy.
If that sounds like too many bottoms to visit you could just go to The Butts.
If bottoms aren’t your thing you could visit The Nipples in Tassie, or Boobs Flat or Mossy Nipple Bend.
A visit to Break-Me-Neck Hill could prove dangerous.
I did my cadetship in journalism at the local newspaper in Wagga Wagga (NSW) – the Aboriginal name means ‘place of many crows’.
I don’t remember seeing many crows there, but there was a cute little rooster who practised his crow at all hours of the day and night.
Some of the people I love most in the world live in a tiny pocket of Sydney called Woolloomooloo which is Aboriginal for ‘young kangaroo’, though you won’t find any of those cute creatures there.
I remember dreading the school spelling test that included that word but enjoying overseas visitors’ attempts to pronounce it correctly.
WHO PICKS THE NAMES?
Ever wonder who comes up with some of the crazy names for towns?
I came across a house name on a recent walk that had me thinking of names.
The homeowners decided to call their house ‘Weird Cottage’. I for one try to downplay the weird things that go on in my home, not advertise them.
I was reminded of a trip to Tasmania and its little village of Dootown. The homeowners there are very creative with their house names. Architect Eric Round started the trend in 1935 when he named his little seaside village shack “Doo I”.
The idea caught on and now just about every house has a “doo” name – Doo-N-Time, Doo-Me, Just Doo It, Doo Come In, Love Me Doo, Much-A-Doo, are just a few of the house names you’ll see.
OUR NEED TO NAME THINGS
Many of us not only feel the need to name our homes but also our cars. All my cars have had names, usually some alliteration with the model. Our latest car is fondly called the Gigglemobile, after the car used by Jimmy Giggle and Hoot on their adventures.
For the uninitiated, Giggle and Hoot is a children’s television show favoured by the Goddesses. The Gigglemobile even has its own song – “flying here and zooming there, we can travel anywhere. Friends to see and places to be. It’s the coolest car that you’ve ever seen”. You can check out the full version here.
What inspired us to name inanimate objects? I think it’s an attempt at humanising them.
L.M. Montgomery explains the feeling well in his book, Anne of Green Gables.
What is the name of that geranium on the window-sill, please?”
“That’s the apple-scented geranium.”
“Oh, I don’t mean that sort of a name. I mean just a name you gave it yourself. Didn’t you give it a name? May I give it one then? May I call it–let me see–Bonny would do–may I call it Bonny while I’m here? Oh, do let me!”
“Goodness, I don’t care. But where on earth is the sense of naming a geranium?”
“Oh, I like things to have handles even if they are only geraniums. It makes them seem more like people. How do you know but that it hurts a geranium’s feelings just to be called a geranium and nothing else? You wouldn’t like to be called nothing but a woman all the time. Yes, I shall call it Bonny. I named that cherry-tree outside my bedroom window this morning. I called it Snow Queen because it was so white. Of course, it won’t always be in blossom, but one can imagine that it is, can’t one?”
How about pet names? I’ve heard some funny ones like Sir Barksalot for a dog.
Other funny dog names are Winnie the Poodle, Bark Twain, Chew Barka and Jimmy Chew.
I had a friend who told me she wanted to name her next dog Nobody, so she could tell people Nobody’s perfect.
People come up with some clever cat names too, such as Willian Shakespaw, Ali Cat and Bing Clawsby.
I was once given a baby budgie who had a limp because he had fallen out of his nest. I really wanted to call him Toulouse-Lautrec after the artist, who also had a limp. However, I ended up calling him Basil, after the lead character in one of our favourite old comedies, Fawlty Towers.
I think the most intriguing names of all are the ones we humans have.
Seems some parents have a weird sense of humour, naming their kids names like Donald Duck and Chris P. Bacon (these are real names).
In fact, some people have been forbidden to use the name they originally chose for their child because of the bullying and teasing it would attract.
A couple in Denmark were forbidden to name their child ‘Anus’ – I can’t imagine why.
A couple in China wanted to keep things really easy by naming their child ‘@’, while in Malaysia a couple was banned from naming their baby ‘Chow Tow’, which translates to Smelly Head.
Some names are fine until your circumstances change. Do you remember all the stories last year when Brandy McDonald married Dave Berger and became McDonald-Berger?
That’s not quite as bad as when Crystal Butts married Levi McCrackin or when William Best married Jennifer Lay.
My doctor probably didn’t have too many issues with her name until she graduated and became Dr Pain (not kidding!). I also know a specialist dentist who is Dr Nip and have heard of another who is Dr Hurt.
My name, Tamuria, was the title of a musical written by my father about a magical land. The people who lived in Tamuria were called Tamus.
Do you know the history and the meaning of your name? What’s the craziest name you’ve ever heard? Let me know in the comments.
Have a gleeful week, Tamuria.
Susan Mary MaloneSeptember 15, 2016 at 6:40 am
Tamuria! This is hilarious! I SO enjoyed this, and laughed all the way through. Needed it this afternoon. Thank You!
tamuriaSeptember 15, 2016 at 8:57 am
I’m so glad you enjoyed this Susan – I love to make people laugh.
Renee groskreutzSeptember 15, 2016 at 7:09 am
I went to hell last year. It was fascinating.
tamuriaSeptember 15, 2016 at 8:59 am
I’m guessing the one in Michigan, Renee. Hubby went to the one in Norway many years ago and was delighted to have “Hell” in his passport.
Sabrina QuairoliSeptember 15, 2016 at 7:09 am
Lol, This is very funny. In Pennsylvania USA, we also have Towns with silly names like “bird in hand”.
tamuriaSeptember 15, 2016 at 9:00 am
Bird in Hand sounds fun, Sabrina. Glad this post made you smile. 🙂
Beverley GoldenSeptember 15, 2016 at 7:34 am
This was so much fun to read, Tami! Oh my goodness…I am someone who is constantly making up names for our pets, even though they already have names. I have no idea where most of them come from, actually.
Maybe one of the funniest names I have heard (third or fourth hand though), was about someone who didn’t speak English too well and named her daughter Female…with an accent on the final ‘e’. Pronounced Fe-Mal-Ah. She had seen this on a bathroom door somewhere and liked the way it sounded, not knowing it actually meant what it meant. Hope this comes through in the writing… 😉 I love all the unusual names the Tasmanians have used for their places too. I am sure there is a rich history in those names. Thanks for the wonderful read today!
tamuriaSeptember 15, 2016 at 9:02 am
Haha, I do that too Beverley, come up with all kinds of crazy nicknames for my pets, most of which make no sense. Female is hilarious. Glad you enjoyed the post. 🙂
Reba LinkerSeptember 15, 2016 at 11:18 am
Soooo funny and fun, Tamuria! You’ll have to add the Grand Tetons to your list of body part place names, and my cat Bartholo-meow to the list of cat names. The Doo town names are hilarious.
tamuriaSeptember 16, 2016 at 7:53 am
What a cute cat name Reba, love it. I think it would be fun to live in Dootown where your neighbours would clearly have a great sense of humour. Grand Tetons is funny too.
Kristen WilsonSeptember 15, 2016 at 11:56 am
No wayyyy.. I have to say, those were hilarious… and when traveling, I pay attention to the cities and things that I pass as it is something to do.. and I often wonder.. like you have.. who came up with these things. Great post and wow.. what research you have here!
tamuriaSeptember 16, 2016 at 7:56 am
You can’t help but wonder who named some of those places, and why, Kristen. Glad you enjoyed it.
rozbeadsSeptember 15, 2016 at 9:27 pm
You have a gift for writing. One of our kids when naming a new dog struggled & all the pup kept doing was crashing into everything. Yup- They named him crash. As far as towns with interesting names The Amish country in Pennsylvania is famous for sexual names like Intercourse, Blue Ball, Virginville, Fertility. I don’t live there but I bet it’s tough on the kids not to snicker.
tamuriaSeptember 16, 2016 at 8:01 am
I had heard of Intercourse, but not the others, Roz. I agree there would be a lot of snickering if you lived there. Even introducing yourself to new people and saying where you are from would inspire a laugh. Crash is such a cute name for a dog.
Lisa SwansonSeptember 16, 2016 at 7:21 am
Great article! I love giving my dogs cute names, or names that mean something to me; like my doberman Atticus. But then I end up calling him, Kissy, Bubba, Bubbles, Bud, & Mamma. Who knows why! Thanks for the laughs!
tamuriaSeptember 16, 2016 at 8:02 am
Haha, so glad I’m not alone in coming up with ridiculous nicknames for my pets Lisa. I can’t seem to help myself. Glad you enjoyed the post. 🙂
Lori EnglishSeptember 16, 2016 at 9:35 am
Thank You for such a good post and very interesting the way you wrote this. I really enjoyed this one. I like the names and of course the dogs. It’s a great overall post.
tamuriaSeptember 19, 2016 at 1:37 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed this Lori. I agree, the dog names are so cute.
DeniseSeptember 16, 2016 at 9:51 am
I’ve just seen my friend’s email address which looks like his name with the a changed to @. Brilliant! I wished I had an a in my name, too!
tamuriaSeptember 19, 2016 at 1:38 pm
Yes, maybe I should change to T@muria.:)
Vatsala ShuklaSeptember 16, 2016 at 2:08 pm
My parents named me after the mythological princess Vatsala, the daughter of King of Vatsa. The princess was supposed to have been quite popular, Tami, and the meaning of the name in Sanskrit is beloved, much loved and is also used in the context of maternal love. Vatsa is also used for friend in Sanskrit.
I guess being a first born has its fringe benefits. 🙂
I remember Hell from Norway but the other names you shared had me wondering, were the name givers creative or in the mood for impish fun?
Like your lovely Decaf, Miss Coco got her name after much deliberation. She came to us as a 7 week old puppy called Dolce (the owner of the parents is into fashion designing and garment export).
I knew Miss Coco’s Mom Chanel since her puppyhood days and wanted to honor her. My furry baby was the 5th puppy and since Chanel no 5 wasn’t an option, I went for one of my all-time favorites, Miss Coco Chanel.
I’m not going to share the names my colleagues and I used to give some of our bosses – don’t want Silent Assassin, Penguin and Deadly Shredder coming after me. 🙂
tamuriaSeptember 19, 2016 at 1:41 pm
Haha, beware Silent Assasin, Deadly Shredder, and Penguin. I love that you are named after a princess, Vatsala, and with such a beautiful meaning attached. So clever how you came to name Miss Coco.
Joan M HarringtonSeptember 17, 2016 at 1:55 pm
Now this was an EXCELLENT read! Thank you for sharing your wonderful humor and awesome stories! Really enjoyed 🙂
tamuriaSeptember 19, 2016 at 1:42 pm
Glad you enjoyed this Joan. It was fun to write.
Carol RundleSeptember 18, 2016 at 3:19 am
Names are funny. I went to school with a Polly Parrot. My name, Carol, means “joyful song.” I like that.
tamuriaSeptember 19, 2016 at 1:43 pm
Joyful song – what a lovely meaning. What were Polly’s parents thinking?
Karen GroszSeptember 18, 2016 at 12:38 pm
Love your creative title, definitely made me want to read. I know why I was named what I was named. My loved St. Catherine and Karen is an derivative of that. She wanted simpler than Catherine. But I really don’t know where Catherine came from. I named my boys after Biblical names. To me that was important.
tamuriaSeptember 19, 2016 at 1:46 pm
I’m glad the title worked as I thought it might scare some people off. I didn’t realize Karen was a derivative of Catherine. Hubby was also named after a Biblical name.
Jackie HarderSeptember 21, 2016 at 5:38 am
Too much fun! Thank for brightening my day. My contributions: A gynecologist named Dr. Seimen and a town in Florida called Two Egg. If I think of any others, I’ll be sure to let you know!
tamuriaSeptember 22, 2016 at 10:38 am
Dr Seimen – too funny. We were watching a promo last night and a woman mentioned her father was a penile implant surgeon. His name? Dr Love. 🙂
Joyce HansenSeptember 21, 2016 at 11:11 am
Hilarious, loved reading it. In our house, we have to make sure to properly call out any wrong-doer: Cupcakes, Gurgels, Peak-a-boo, Aquafina, Tucson, Tubac, Little Miss Wonderful, Little Miss Adorable, Silverado, Tippy Toes, and Silky. Then comes Cutie Pie the dog.
tamuriaSeptember 22, 2016 at 10:40 am
They are all such cute names, Joyce. Are you ever tempted to shorten the names for Little Miss Wonderful and Little Miss Adorable?
Jennifer QuisenberrySeptember 22, 2016 at 4:13 am
Oh this is too funny. Where I grew up in Kentucky, we had some great names of places there too. Dog Walk, Big Bone Lick State Park… That’s great. My name comes from the Welsh, “Guenevere.”
tamuriaSeptember 22, 2016 at 10:41 am
Big Bone Lick State Park – who comes up with these names? I wonder if there are an extra amount of dogs at Dog Walk?